Poetry & Prose

How I Love (a list poem)

2010-07-09T15:27:00.001-05:00

fully
completely though
sometimes unwillingly

with passion
pain and
blood sweat & tears

freely
openly
arms stretched wide

rationally seeing
always forgiving
never forgetting

happily
trustingly with
laughter and mirth

Baby Girl, the Cement Couch, and Cat

2010-07-09T10:19:00.001-05:00

There is a cement couch in the unfinished basement of a cement house. Said couch was not there when the family moved in, it just showed up one morning. Baby Girl walked down the creaky wooden stairs to find Cat and take him back to bed. Much to her surprise there he was, lounging on the back of a couch she'd never seen. Wearily she tip-toed over, anxious, as though the couch would suddenly spring up and eat her whole. She called to Cat from a few feet back, but he simply stared at her as all cats are wont to do. Resignedly she stepped closer and scooped up Cat in her arms - and nearly dropped him in the process. Clutched close to her, Cat purred gently into the throat as Baby Girl reached out a tentative hand to fee the couch. It felt hard, rough, and slightly porous beneath her fingers just like it had against her arm when she'd grabbed Cat. "This couch," she mused, "is made of sidewalk!" And of course, no bit of sidewalk anywhere had ever wronged her, so she kissed Cat between the ears and gave the couch one last look before yawning and making her way sleepily up the stairs back to bed. As she drifted off to sleep, the couch flickered, blinked, Cat meowled, Baby Girl dropped off, and the couch disappeared.

The Door

2010-07-02T15:11:00.009-05:00

Somewhere, there is a door which leads to nowhere. It isn't on the side of a house opening up into thin air, or cemented into the side of a building in front of some bricks. No, it is nowhere leading, to more nowhere.

I bet you know where the door is. I bet you think about it all the time and never even realise you're thinking about it.

That's probably for the best, really, because opening up a door to nowhere could be very dangerous. In fact, it could be downright stupid, and yet there you are, flirting with danger. You think about it without really thinking about it, dancing back and forth across the line of whether or not it's real. Oh it's very real I'll tell you that, but don't think about it, because thinking about its reality would mean opening it, and who wants to open a door which leads to nothing?

In the end though, the door is always opened. It's always there, teasing. You can't not open it, because it's not alone. And leaving one door closed means opening another.

who and what and where and why

2010-04-11T19:36:00.001-05:00

without me you would not be
and without me you could not breathe

without me you would not be
and without me you could not see

without me you would not be
without me there is no we

who am I?

surface tension

2010-03-16T16:14:00.003-05:00

is there something so mature,

so unique about this blossoming flower

that she attracts so many buzzing bees

and social butterflies?

is she really so lovely?

if so,

then why is she so lonely?

why do the bees simply use her?

why do the butterflies not stay longer?

is she really so lonely?

do those bees use her?

or do they rely on her?

do those butterflies flutter about their own business

or do they whisper words of care?

if this beauty is simply skin deep,

then is she really just a weed?

please don't wear your friends like fashion statements

2010-03-10T22:02:00.005-06:00

And sometimes I buy things just for the hell of it,

just to give them a life in the closet

or shoved in the corner,

because we all know that one day shit will happen,

and they'll be rediscovered.

And when that day comes

they'll be hailed as spontaneous saviours,

the best things that happened that day

and certainly that week.

And then I'll wear them too much,

wear and tear and tear and wear

until they're thrown back into that dark little corner,

too old to be taken seriously,

too thin to trust in the coming months.

And then,

one day,

I'll find them again...

System Failure

2009-12-07T21:42:00.000-06:00

There she is, just a second away right in front of my eyes. There she is, grinning that stupid grin and pretending like she matters to the world.

Stupid, filthy white tee shirt, the bitch doesn't even have a bra on as usual. One wet tee shirt contest you just don't want to see and it's just sweat, all sweat. All tucked into those dirty, disgusting shorts that cover more of her stomach than her backside and anyone would swear that if you were on the ground looking up, well, you'd be looking down faster than a scared jackrabbit running to hid, retching your brains out.

And as always, that God-awful smell. That smell alone is a shock to your system like nothing else. Maybe it comes from her sweaty pits or maybe her hair, but most definitely it spews out of her mouth and you just can't get away. She loves to play that stupid dance of "Hey, I'm going to be in your personal space and don't you try to change that."

Pop her in the face, just do it. Curl in your fingers but don't tuck your thumb, bend your elbow and pull it back. Just do it. Ground your balance, centre yourself, pull that foot back just a touch. In the face. Tense the arm in all the right places, deep breath, then swing but don't miss. Remember the follow through. Do it. Do it now. Burn it into your memory, the sound of her bones shattering. The face. The face. Do it. Now.

And wouldn't you know it, just your luck, there won't be any follow through, no siree. No bones shattering and no follow through and no tensed muscles because all there's time for is that step backwards. A step back and she doesn't even have time to start the dance because she can't think anymore, no she can't. There is not pop, no crack, no badda-bing badda-boom, just the crunch as the bullet hits her between the eyes and the splat as her brains go all over the steaming hot pavement. Splat!, just like the game.

And then it's another shock to the system, but this time it's okay. This time it's good. Good for you, red alert for the guys in your head. You have about 1.3 seconds before the system unfreezes and inside your head the guys are running around starting up processes you've never run before, and all the while you're just holding your breath, waiting to get started again. 1.2 seconds later The Big Guy clears the air and he says, because he always knows what to say and what to do, "All right, you sons of bitches, it's about to get mother-fucking loud and it's gonna get hotter than Hell on record heat, and if any one of you stops working I'll personally make sure you bleed..."

But suddenly the world rushes up to greet you and explodes into sound and The Big Guy was right, it's hot hot hot and you just have to breath out again or the air inside might cook you. Speaking of cooking, it's so hot her brains might be frying right there. Hey, Ma, look! You always used to say it was hot enough to fry an egg on the pavement but gee-whiz you should come look at this, I bet you never thought you could fry brains, too!

Wait, what was it The Big Guy was saying? Bleed? Bleed like a stuck pig? Well, that's sure what happened to the bitch in front of you and hey maybe those Grunts saw that, maybe they'll do their job now because they sure as fuck don't want to bleed like her. Shit, you don't want to bleed like her, oh what the fuck is going on, and right on cue The Big Guy tries to take over again and so does Something Else, and The Big Guy says to Run you Mother-Fucker, run! but Something Else freezes you like a deer in the headlights. Shock to the system, and the system is running slow.

Oh, where has the time gone, what do you mean it hasn't been an hour yet? Blood and spinal fluid are still dripping from the shattered egg that was once her head. Are her knees really still buckling? That bitch better fall backwards, they always fall backwards and I don't know what the fuck I'll do if she falls forwards, no fucking way I don't want to touch that, she smells and oh fuck her brains, her brains are all over the pavement what the fuck!

And then The Big Guy comes back, just a split second too late and screams screams screams at all the Grunts and even the Something Else has to hide because it's no match for the vein popping out in The Big Guy's neck and his bulging eyes and his throat going raw telling you that if you don't run, Mother-Fucker, you'll probably be next and then what are you going to do, you'll be dead and there'll be a total System Failure kind of like that bitch in front of -

--

Anyone else think I've been reading too much Stephen King? "Under the Dome" is quite spectacular, though. A nice step back to the past.

Rewind, stop time, step back, back to black.
\

like a kite

2009-09-04T00:21:00.000-05:00

I hate you when you're high,
but I'm pretty certain
that you'll never quit,
not even for me.

Does that mean
that I have hate you
all the time?

But...I love you.

I love you anyway.

Crazy girl.

2009-02-11T00:00:00.000-06:00

what is time but a dream, a beautiful dream in
which there is nothing but the dream itself.
the universe is nothing, the universe is everything.
the universe is a dream.
                        (the universe does not
exist within time, time exists within the universe)
                                                   I
am a dream, you are a dream. we are all dreams.
or are we all the same dream? do we exist in the
same place at once?
                   (do we exist?)
                                 we are all part
of a great entanglement. does this mean that I am
you and you are me? or does this mean that we are
each other?
           (you are not me, I am me, therefore you
can not be me.)
               or can you?

Forgiven

2009-02-06T00:30:00.001-06:00

"But why?" she whimpered. Shivered in the lightly swirling snow.
"Because I said so."
"But I don't want to!" her voice strained, cracked at the perfect word.
"Yes you do, we both know you do."
"No!"
"You stare at me - "
She grabbed her head...
"- day after day - "
...pulled it towards her chest...
" - I know you do - "
...eyes clamped shut, leaking the raw emotion...
"Get over it and find your strength again!"
...her body shook uncontrollably...
"You were so beautiful when you were strong."
...muscles tense, cried out in intense agony...

A pause.

"What would he want you to do?"

Her eyes flew open, head snapped back; gasping for breath - "that's not fair!"
The tears, flowing now like a raging river, were full of hate...sorrow...
Confusion.
Passion.
Love, even.

"He was selfish! He wanted me for himself, he would never tell me to do anything like this!"
She screamed, now, and the tears she poured were angry tears. (Hell hath no fury...)

"Wouldn't he?" Head tipped slightly to the right, eyes soft and forgiving, mouth...inviting.

"Why the fuck would he tell me to... to..." she choked on it, unable to spit the words out.

"You can't say it - can you? You can't even say it and yet you want it. Where is your strength? Your power?"

"Liar!" She was screaming again, having built a dam around her eyes to stop the river. "Liar LIAR! I don't want this, I don't want you! Stop lying to me!" And yet at this, the dam burst and she was left with only strength to collapse to her knees, catch the motion with her palms, raining down her fury on the cold concrete walk.

The voice from above was soft, gentle. "He would want what is best for you. He would want us to love each other and to be together and to grow old together."

The temper flairs again. She stands, shivering and shaking with cold and emotion in the thickening swirl of white. Eyes connect; two in grace, two in accusation. "He would never have told me to love another woman." (...like a woman's scorn) This time, she does spit it out. She spits it and it hardens in the frozen air, slices away at both hearts mercilessly.

The world turns around and a tear slips from the wide eyes of this guardian angel, yet she doesn't wipe it away. No, she takes a curious approach, a cautious step forward. Swiftly, like only an angel could move, this woman of grace grasps the hand of the fallen star, pulls her in close and their hearts beat together. Their heartbeats flow in rhythm and the angel whispers in her ear... "I love you."

"I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

I love you."

Her star sparkles, whispers back - "but why?"

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that
I'll stare into your eyes,
pull you close to my heart,
and know how much you love me;
I'll show you how much I love you and I promise
I'll make you strong again,
make you happy, healthy; whole.
You're so beautiful when you're strong.
I will make your heart sing
and your body cry out
not in agony,
but in
pleasure."

A soft kiss. A soft sigh, a soft touch... a softer world.

"He would want you to be happy, no matter what."

Oh, star; Oh, star... her head tilts back to the night sky alight with a single spark and the tears flow seemingly without end as she whispers breathlessly, but not without pain and not without love, to someone who can not hear.

"Please... forgive me."

pin you against a wall

2008-08-23T19:47:00.000-05:00

kiss you until you collapse with exhaustion...
strip you bare...
show you how i love...

just to be close to you;
as close as physically possible.

2008-07-15T05:58:00.000-05:00

Rip a match
from its brethren
and hear its soft cry.
Strike him against his head,
rip away his being
with the bed which he has lain
so long in ignorance.
Destroy him until he explodes
in his soul
and destroys himself
in fervent anguish.
Let him take himself
into the darkness,
flesh burning
ever so sweetly.
And then allow him
to spark light
into your mind and show you
the truth of the world.
Be not afraid of the shadows
that you
can not
quite
see.

2008-06-24T13:59:00.000-05:00

                          slowly,
                               slowly,

                                         daggers of marble slowly

                                sink into my body.

                                 crimson pearls drop
                        with liquid precision

                                 & liquid sound, electrified

                                    the heat of the sun

                              in a love bite,

                                   spilling over,

                                      forming a river.

                          air in my lungs;

                                     breathe in;

                                                         breathe out;

                                               relax...

                         relax...

                            drum of my heart;
                                  a steady beat.

                                                     slowing...

                                                                stopping...

                                          drift in dreams

                                              so utterly pure,
                          hearing nothing,

                                            hearing everything

                                    tender words,

                                  words of love,
                        drink them in,
                                breathe the fresh air

                                        drink it in,

                                           feel it rushing.

                                  warm and pulsing -
                                                            the gift of eternity.

Infinity

2008-05-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

tomorrow, tomorrow,
she never comes - tomorrow
she taunts, teases,
flirts with disaster.
unyielding, unchanging,
ever misty, this
mysterious darkness.
she whispers no secrets,
reveals nothing,
but lures forever,
that we might
chase her, chase her
into infinity.

unfinished

2008-05-08T15:16:00.000-05:00

which, with every contradiction,
simply laughs off the mistake
as though it has proven wrong
that which was previously argued.
it's thoughts are vastly confused,
unorganized, unwilling to accept
intruders into it's safe world;
a world existing only in the mind
of one so chaotically alive,
one losing grip on everything
it has, because change is here.

and now a revolution erupts
and the peaceful little world,
secluded little world, crumbles.
crumbles into an almost nothing,
except nothing does not exist
so it falls to new foundations
upon which a new world -
a much better world - is built.

free flowing v.i

2008-04-10T11:32:00.000-05:00

What is life? Why are we so obsessed with knowing every little bit of it? Why does it matter to us so much if we never find what we are looking for? Do we even know what we want or do we just look to & use the first things we see in our conscious minds? Why, when we are with others, are we not just straightforward in what we wish to really say? Can others really see us for who we are or are they just damn good at guessing, even if they don't realize it? And is it really guessing or are we tapping into knowledge we don't even know we have? Heredity gives us traits, so why not the teachings of the past as well? If we really love others then why are we so selfish & self-centered in trying to find what we want instead of helping others find what they want? If life one day is going to end then why do we even care? Should we care? Should we simply carry on our daily lives as we do & ignore what we all feel inside? Or do we listen to our subconscious minds & make the most of our short time here on Earth? And if we do, do we help others around us do the same or do we leave them to discover for themselves? Is it so wrong to make someone live up to their own potential?