"But why?" she whimpered. Shivered in the lightly swirling snow.
"Because I said so."
"But I don't want to!" her voice strained, cracked at the perfect word.
"Yes you do, we both know you do."
"No!"
"You stare at me - "
She grabbed her head...
"- day after day - "
...pulled it towards her chest...
" - I know you do - "
...eyes clamped shut, leaking the raw emotion...
"Get over it and find your strength again!"
...her body shook uncontrollably...
"You were so beautiful when you were strong."
...muscles tense, cried out in intense agony...
A pause.
"What would he want you to do?"
Her eyes flew open, head snapped back; gasping for breath - "that's not fair!"
The tears, flowing now like a raging river, were full of hate...sorrow...
Confusion.
Passion.
Love, even.
"He was selfish! He wanted me for himself, he would never tell me to do anything like this!"
She screamed, now, and the tears she poured were angry tears. (Hell hath no fury...)
"Wouldn't he?" Head tipped slightly to the right, eyes soft and forgiving, mouth...inviting.
"Why the fuck would he tell me to... to..." she choked on it, unable to spit the words out.
"You can't say it - can you? You can't even say it and yet you want it. Where is your strength? Your power?"
"Liar!" She was screaming again, having built a dam around her eyes to stop the river. "Liar LIAR! I don't want this, I don't want you! Stop lying to me!" And yet at this, the dam burst and she was left with only strength to collapse to her knees, catch the motion with her palms, raining down her fury on the cold concrete walk.
The voice from above was soft, gentle. "He would want what is best for you. He would want us to love each other and to be together and to grow old together."
The temper flairs again. She stands, shivering and shaking with cold and emotion in the thickening swirl of white. Eyes connect; two in grace, two in accusation. "He would never have told me to love another woman." (...like a woman's scorn) This time, she does spit it out. She spits it and it hardens in the frozen air, slices away at both hearts mercilessly.
The world turns around and a tear slips from the wide eyes of this guardian angel, yet she doesn't wipe it away. No, she takes a curious approach, a cautious step forward. Swiftly, like only an angel could move, this woman of grace grasps the hand of the fallen star, pulls her in close and their hearts beat together. Their heartbeats flow in rhythm and the angel whispers in her ear... "I love you."
"I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you."
Her star sparkles, whispers back - "but why?"
"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that
I'll stare into your eyes,
pull you close to my heart,
and know how much you love me;
I'll show you how much I love you and I promise
I'll make you strong again,
make you happy, healthy; whole.
You're so beautiful when you're strong.
I will make your heart sing
and your body cry out
not in agony,
but in
pleasure."
A soft kiss. A soft sigh, a soft touch... a softer world.
"He would want you to be happy, no matter what."
Oh, star; Oh, star... her head tilts back to the night sky alight with a single spark and the tears flow seemingly without end as she whispers breathlessly, but not without pain and not without love, to someone who can not hear.
"Please... forgive me."
Labels: love, prose
